Three Ways to Help You Move Through the Hard Stuff–Really!

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I guess I’m not done talking about the “hard stuff.” And that’s okay–seems like a meaty subject! Today’s hard stuff is stuff you don’t need though–it’s not the things you should do or want to do, but can’t seem to like I wrote about here.

What if, today, you decided that the hard stuff was just stuff–or that you could move through this formerly known as “hard stuff” with ease and grace?

This seems so much better than hard. Easy is better than hard. Always.

Our days are made up of constant split second and long tedious decisions, the good news is we can choose to decide to walk through these decisions (and life) with ease.

Which can be hard at first–weird, right? Here’s why, we’ve programmed our own unique reactions to stimuli and they are well worn pathways in our brains. Choose any knee jerk reaction, someone cuts you off in traffic–why you bleepity, bleepin, bleeper! Grrrr, now I am mad and will expect other stupid bleepering bleepers to do stupid things to me. BLEEP! ***Or, someone who bothers you wants to tell you how you did something wrong–immediately on the defensive, right?

Choosing a different path means being intentional and thoughtful and that means work. Everything inside of you is saying, “Wait a minute, wait a minute!” (Just like Cher in Moonstruck!) “I know that other way–this way could be dangerous!”

Here are three things that might help you become a conscious responder instead of a knee-jerk reactor:

  1. Acknowledge the knee jerk reaction. I say to myself, “This is simply my knee jerk reaction, and I am going to look at this another way.”
  2. Wayne Dyer wrote a lovely book: The Power of Intention. In it he asks: Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? Ask yourself that question. I like being right, but I much prefer being happy  over being Miss Righty-Tighty Pants…mostly, unless it’s with my 16 year old–then I’m right…mostly.
  3. Is anyone going to die? I got this line from a librarian I worked with, it reminded us to look realistically at a situation. Usually, no one has died. Nor will they. Things probably aren’t as serious as you think.

bonus: remember, any given situation only lasts a finite amount of time, even ones that seem hard.

When you step beyond the knowledge of something being hard, you open your mind up to different possibilities for problems that need to be worked out, or different emotional outcomes for you (and likely the other person) if it’s a conflict.

I’m sure I’ll find more things to say on this subject, but for now tell me what works for you. How do you get through the “hard stuff?”

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Soul Journies #2 Desire Map–I Gotta Feeling!

imageIt’s been a while since I posted my progress with Danielle LaPorte’s The Desire Map,  and I thought I’d share my findings on my Core Desired Feelings–first though, more of the process. We can’t just get to the Tootsie Roll center!

As a re-cap, Danielle LaPorte’s premise is: it’s not the actual goal we want–it’s the “…feeling you hope reaching the goal will give you.” If you get clear on how you want to feel you can then set your intentions for that feeling!

She has you look at 5 areas of your life: Livelihood & Lifestyle, Relationships & Society, Body & Wellness, Creativity & Learning, and Essence & Spirituality. And within those areas you choose your core desired feeling.

Lists and lists and more lists of lavish and lovely words ensued (after I’d done the work of what’s working in those 5 areas, and what’s not).

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One of the things I loved about this process is she tells you you can do this in a number of ways–make it easy, make it hard, breeze through it, take your time. I took my time. I made my lists of words, rolled them on my tongue, considered their frequency with my soul. Then I came back to my lists and chose my favorites…then I let it sit again. And then I was done taking my time! I wanted to get crystal clear on my Core Desired Feelings.

I thought I sort of already knew what my 5 would be because I’d been playing around with them for so long. But, when I sat down to really choose, different words rose to the occasion, and for one area: Essence and Spirituality, no word felt completely right–until I pictured myself standing with my arms wide open, head back, heart open.

Another surprise was “brave” for Relationships & Society. I was sure my word would be appreciate…or love… or connected. Nope. Brave popped out at me from the sidelines, reminding me that I want to feel like it’s okay to speak my mind, and it’s okay to feel what I feel, and it’s okay to reach out for friendship. I love this.

My Core Desired Feelings:

LIVELIHOOD & LIFESTYLE: thriving

BODY & WELLNESS: vibrant

CREATIVITY & LEARNING: inspiration

RELATIONSHIPS & SOCIETY: brave

ESSENCE & SPIRITUALITY: heart wide open 🙂

I feel committed to these feelings–I was afraid that when I finished this process, I’d be worried that I hadn’t chosen right. And that I’d keep changing my mind. But I can feel the rightness of these in my heart.

So, yes, feeling all smushy and delighted with my bad self, but I know this is not the end. I am not simply planting these seeds and walking away, I will tend to these daily. My #onegoodcup now includes my core desired feelings as guideposts for the day, as Danielle LaPorte says, “What do I need to do to feel the way I want to feel?”

This only works if I give it my attention* (which happens to be my word for the year–I love me some words!). Making it a daily habit reminds me to move in the direction of the way I want to feel. So, since my CDF in Livelihood & Lifestyle is thriving then one of the things I want to do is play more with this blog–because I feel as if I’m thriving when I’m giving attention to it and not stressed about my job! And I am certain that when I am rocking my goal feelings, it will ripple out to the people around me.

Have you read The Desire Map? If you could feel one thing every day, what would it be?

Begin to Finish

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Sometimes our starting here really means finishing there.

Starting starts with an ending of something else—I think that’s in a goofy commercial, but it’s true!

When you finish something you’re honoring the place/the creativity/the source of its beginning. I am still learning this, but understanding that I am honoring something larger than myself when I begin and finish something helps.

I am in love with the shiny—ooh, look at that shiny new idea. I no longer beat myself up over it, I simply understand it can be a motivator for abandoning projects, sometimes I try to explain to myself why I need to abandon a project:

it just wasn’t working out. I ran out of ideas. It’s too hard.

All of which mean the last one—it’s too hard. Once the shiny wears off and you have to dig deep, things get hard. Or, not easy. Because, all hard is, is simply not easy. Usually “hard” isn’t anywhere near what hard could be. Hard is trying something we’re not used to, hard is creating new pathways in our brains, hard is finishing. I realized I had to finish something before I can start something else.

If from right here and now we look at what we want, we look at our greatest possibility, and write a list of all the things we would need to accomplish to achieve that? We might start to cry.

 But, what if, we step back and think about, simply, our next level us and write down the first thing we could do? That’s not hard.

Anyone can do that, right?

What does “next level you” want to do?

START HERE

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Have you ever thought to yourself, I need to change how I do things? Stop reacting to things, maybe have some preemptive things in place? Maybe, just maybe stop slogging through the day by rote.
And then you thought about making some of those changes, maybe looking at self-help books or programs or friends and think, “Man, that seems like a lot of work.” That old 21 day thing rears its judgmental head and you think: uh, if I could actually do something for 21 days it would already be a habit!

Sheesh!

Changing how you are or how you react or work or love is not easy, if it were, we’d all be done with it! Besides, you already have a job you don’t like…
But, I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t have to be daunting, in fact if it is daunting, it’s too much for you right now, you get to ease into daunting, for right now let’s just work on easy.

Starting here, where you are right at this moment, this is your beginning (or ending, as the case may be). Start with what you can do, say to yourself, this is where I’m at and this is what I can do.

I am so far from where I see myself being, what I know I could be, “the possibility of me” but I’m not going to let that stop me from being who I am now: the best me that I can accomplish with my strengths right at this moment.

I understand I am a constant work in progress, so I rarely disappoint myself—because, I’m not finished. Can you imagine if you were? If you were finished evolving, you’d be done! You’d be like, I don’t know, the Dalai lama, or Mother Teresa, or Angelina Jolie-Pitt! Juuuust kidding, but you see where I’m going with this?

Now, don’t get me wrong, this is not a “get out of jail free” card. You can’t constantly mess up and say, oh well—I’m a work in progress. You have to first attain one level of your possibility and then move on to the next. Not continually mess up at your lowest level. I guess that is where the work comes in, but tiny work and totally achievable.

I’d like to be a best-selling author, funky decor shop owner, essential oils seller, small group workshop leader, best mom, best wife, best daughter, best sister, and best friend. But I’m not going to knock all those out of the park tomorrow. Nor am I going to get all of them by trying to work on every single one at the same time!

Even though, that’s kind of how I roll.

I remind myself to relax–because when I try to do it all I get overwhelmed and do nothing. So, right now, I am writing (not as much as I thought I would be!) and working on relationships. This post is actually the start of a non-fiction book I’m “writing.” And it still might turn into that…but for now, it’s a blog post. And I’m okay with that.

What changes are you trying to ease into? And how are you being gentle with your bad self?