The following is a post from my old blog, but I like it and actually I needed to relearn it! So, here it is:
Twice yesterday I received the message, “there are no rules.” Once from *The Universe (I am not even kidding, we’ll talk more on that later!) and once from a newsletter I subscribe to. The first, actually said, “there are no rules.” My shoulders relaxed. The second time, it was more of a message gleaned from, “You’re never going to get there by trying to get there. There is no path you just need to find…”
My brain did one of those fast action thoughts, all jumbly and toppling over each other: wait, so all those marketing techniques, and sales funnels, and Pinterest analytics I’ve been searching for and stressing about, all these outside “rules” don’t mean anything?
It’s up to me to create the way I want to do this.
It is up to me.
Pretty heady stuff–there’s definitely responsibility attached to “it’s up to me.” I’m responsible for my own stuff. Right? There are no rules does not mean there is no working your ass off. It means you decide how the work is done and what kind of work you do and most importantly why you’re doing the work.
And, when I say “work” I don’t necessarily mean your job, unless that’s what you want it to mean, because this can work for work, but it can work for your life too.
So, there is a load of personal responsibility with “there are no rules” but there is sweet sweet freedom too.
I stopped writing for a while–nearly everything–the manuscript I was working on, my blog posts, Facebook updates, even tweets were too much for me to muster, because I thought I was doing them wrong. My tweets weren’t as clever as this person’s, my blog was nothing like that much more successful person’s, my book will never touch another person the way this author’s books do…
And so I just stopped. When I tried to be like these other people (follow their rules) it didn’t work, it came out flat, I felt like a fraud (duh). So I stopped trying and stopped writing. How sad.
When I first became a supervisor a few years ago, I struggled. Not that I couldn’t do the work, I could. I struggled with what kind of a supervisor to be–I read books (not the right ones!) I took webinars (blech!) I went to classes (okay) and yet every single day I walked into work nearly sad, shoulders slumped, and with no idea who I was.
And it wasn’t until I was having a random conversation with one of my nephews (thank you Nick!) where I said: “I don’t like being a supervisor, I don’t know how I’m supposed to be one.”
and he said: “Amy, they hired you for who you are. Be you.”
This opened up my world. I fell back into me. I stopped TRYING to be a boss, and instead became me again–really good at all things circulation, kind of goofy, really happy, laughing a lot, expecting great things from the team. I led by example and made my expectations clear, I also admitted my weaknesses. And I was okay again, hell, I was great.
My point is:
stop trying to live up to who you are not.
stop trying to to follow a set of made-up rules that maybe worked for some other person, but sure the heck are not working for you.
Be you and make your own rules.
(Unless you are a serial killer, and you are trying not to be one, then, yes, please keep trying.)
(Also, this isn’t a free keep smoking card.)
But the word “try” is so damned full of I-probably-won’t-succeed-and-then-I’ll-have-to-FRACKIN-try-mofo-try-again, and that just feels deflating and long and icky.
There are no rules
Freedom, not anarchy, but freedom to create from who you are to get you to who your best self is.
*future me again, this was before I finished The Desire Map–and really understood what my core desired feelings would end up being.
I’m reading Danielle LaPorte’s The Desire Map. AWESOME book, (fantastic website) helps you figure out not the tangible goals for your life but how you want to feel–and then figure out how to feel that. So, one of my core desired feelings is free, I want to feel free. Free to work how I want, at what I want, free to take the day off and hang with my kids or my mom or anyone. Free to not worry.
After I read: there are no rules, I realized freedom (free) is not something I have to reach for, I already have it. I just needed to recognize where in my life it existed. Sure, I’d like it in more aspects of my life (can you say, fly to Paris?) but that is a huge part of manifesting something–already believing you have it, to find examples in your life now and then to focus on it and love it and really feel it–which will bring more of it to you. Holy Shootzky.
*Now, as promised, here’s my Note from the Universe: