Good Grief

“Oh, good grief!” When I was younger my mom (and Charlie Brown) would say this a lot, it expressed much frustration and possibly the end of any kind of patience. In other words, it was not a good thing to hear these words.

Now, I think of those words: “good grief” and have a new feeling associated with them. It is nearly a year and a half out from my mom’s death and while my grief does not always feel good, I can view her process of dying and see the beauty in it, see the miracle in it, and see the good in it.

Photo by Pok Rie on Pexels.com

I had never thought of birth and death as a (not quite) matching set of bookends, with birth on one end and death on the other. They were always separated in my brain, one a miracle and one an inevitable (sometimes) tragedy. One an anticipation the other a dread. But they are both miracles.

A few explanations, she was nearly 97 when she died, she’d lived an interesting and pretty glorious life, she went on Hospice in late January and died early July–this was not sudden or unexpected, actually, to be honest when we were told she should be in Hospice we were a little shocked, I don’t think we had thought she would ever die.

Watching her face, her eyes–sometimes loving, other times confused–I could see her journey from one world to another traced there.

I was lucky to witness this. Another explanation, although we (her daughters) were with her (nearly) constantly, she chose death after all three of us had gone to sleep exhausted after surrounding her bedside until 3:00 AM.

After, I started hearing about Death Doulas, a person (not medically) trained to care for someone holistically at end of life. It made me happy to know this is a thing and gave more credence to my miracle bookends.

I have so much more to say about this, but I want to press “publish”–sorry about any typos, etc.

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Happiness Warrior

I’m pretty sure when people think of “happy” people they don’t necessarily see them as courageous or strong, and yet, more than likely, they are happy because they understand how not to be crushed under the weight of fear and adversity.

I remember being in a management class and we were talking about adversity and how to continue to be leaders even if our lives were not swell. And a woman turned to me and said, “What do you have to be stressed about?” And not in a nice, tell me your problems kind of way, but in an accusatory way–“what problems could you possibly have in your life?!” kind of way.

Granted, I displayed a happy face, I dressed nicely (come by that honestly–my mom was a Fashion Coordinator when I was growing up!), I spoke about ideas and not people, and I had a positive attitude. And, I guess, she thought if you looked “good” you’re life is good. And it was good, in a way. In a compartmentalized way, in a “I will not be crushed by this way.” Is that enough “ways” for you?

What she didn’t know, very few did, was my two grown children were both struggling with Heroin addictions. I mean, how does that even happen? Two children three years apart both addicted to Heroin. I was in a backward Universe. Filled with grief and guilt.

Which is to say–I had many things happen in my life before this, but this–the addiction was a new level of stress, grief, and worry. What the woman also didn’t know, was I had made a choice. A choice Not to Suffer. I was not in denial, I simply chose not to suffer while I supported my children in any way I could–suffering would do nothing to help them or the rest of our family. Our youngest was still in middle school and involved in lots of sports and activities, and although he knew, I didn’t let my grief affect his life.

This was over seven years ago, one child has been sober for almost that same amount of time, the other continues his winding road of recovery and relapse. My family has been through a hell of a year. And I still choose not to suffer. I don’t deny my feelings–well, maybe a little, there are times that I think if I let it out, if I start to cry, I may never stop.

And at the same time, I know I have so much to be happy and grateful for! My daughter is doing so well–amazing, she’s my hero and her daughter (my granddaughter is 13! And my delight) is amazing as well. Our youngest is a wonderful human being and cracks me up (actually all my kids do) my husband and I are true partners…I could go on and on.

It all is a decision, right? A decision to not suffer, a decision to remember the good things, while not ignoring the problems–you can handle the problems so much easier when you are not in the suffering vortex, other decisions (besides not suffering) are clearer. And when I wasn’t suffering I could love and show my love (and my boundaries) to my kids who were.

I started writing this post so long ago…and hesitated posting it, it’s not really right, or where I want it to be, but I want it out there for some reason–I hope this helps in some small way.

 

What’s a Fox to God?

I was taking a walk and thinking about all the things I was doing and wondering if I was on the right path, and as I walked I said, “Okay God, show me a sign that I’m on the right path…show me a fox on my walk.”

And then I immediately said to myself, you can’t ask for that! Simultaneously thinking: if you ask for that kind of sign you won’t get it, because it’s too much, ask for a smaller sign. Who do you think you are asking for a sign?

And then I literally stopped in my walking tracks.

Because, what’s a fox to God? And I didn’t mean a fox means nothing to God, I meant if God wanted a fox to appear–a fox would appear.

With renewed confidence–in any outcome, ’cause if God didn’t want a fox to appear then no fox was showing its cute pointy face–I continued my walk.

I always walk to Haeg Park, it has a circle of wizened Oak trees at the top of a hill–like a flippin’ circle of wisdom. I love to go up to the trees and place my palm on them, giving and receiving energy. Anywho…I get to the park, climb to the top of the hill, and look down to the lake and there’s a fox. A fox, fast trotting at the bottom of the hill.

And once again, I stop. And the fox stops too–looks at me and then continues on its fox way.

Well. There it was. A veritable sign. Aaaand now I had to live up to it.

If you are going to ask for something, you have to be all in, it can’t be a half-assed ask, it needs to be a full-assed ask. And then once you ask, you have to accept the answer–especially if its in your favor. I asked for a sign to tell me if I was on the right path–I got the sign and now it was up to commit to it.

A fox to God is nothing and everything.

You have to first believe in the possibility of the sign to see the sign, or as Wayne Dyer so eloquently said it: You have to believe it to see it.

 

Thinking As If…

practically magic Amy Kennedy Fosseen

Are you afraid of how great the thing you want to do would be if you actually did it?

Does just thinking about it scare you?

Aren’t we hilarious–oooh, I’d like to do that, I think I might even be great at that…or, you know, maybe okay at it…I mean, I wouldn’t even know how to start. WHAT am I even thinking! I mean, AS IF!

As if. What if you took your “as if” denial and turned it on its head and you started to act:

…as if you were already there

…as if you were doing that thing you wanted to do

…as if you believed

Think as if

Believe as if

Act as if

I’m not saying it’s one step from doubt to reality, but you have to start somewhere, or actually if you want to stay right where you are, you don’t HAVE to do anything.

Just like you’re doing now.

Nothing.

Crap.

I hate it when that happens. But, to be the you who creates the cool sh*t and creates the mind-blowing stuff takes work.

It starts with inside work–its an inside job, an interior renovation…you get the picture. And, like I said, the first thing is the thought–to think as if.

And the easiest way to start this is through, our friends, affirmations. I am not even kidding.

Now, I know how some affirmations can feel like bold-faced lies, because no matter how many times you say, I love myself unconditionally, if one of your first thoughts that morning was, I’m such an idiot! you are so not going to believe your words–because  you are not feeling the emotion that needs to accompany them. Adding four little words to the beginning of almost any affirmation will get you to the believing portion of this plan:

It feels good to…

Because, I bet at least once in your life you’ve felt creative, confident, talented, and accomplished. Even if it was in second grade Art class–hold that feeling, that truth as you say the words:

It feels good to love myself unconditionally

It feels good to create art that people want

It feels good to be confident

“It feels good to…” keeps it in the present yet makes it more palatable for those of us who have an affirmation of: I am an excellent and productive writer, I write every day and get my projects done–with the background thoughts of:

Gee, I didn’t write yesterday and wasn’t I going to brainstorm another scene…when was the last time I wrote?

LIAR! LIAR! LIAR!

And then my pants are on fire. Dang. I hate it when that happens.

But–I know with my whole being that it does, indeed, feel good to be a productive writer, so that way I’m all in, I’m living in belief city. And then every time there is proof of the “feel good to” it is further embedded in my subconscious. Yay!

We all can get there, I promise.

Next blog: A Little Less Talk and a Lot More Action! What comes after affirmations.

Today’s supporting oil:

Abundance

 

 

 

 

Your Daily Allowance

Hey! Are you allowing your life to simply happen? Like not even an auto-pilot life, but more like a ricocheting life–ping-ponging around as things hit. How’s that working for you? Not too swell, right?

It sure the heck wasn’t working for me! I mean, I wanted to be moving forward, making improvements, not writing the same goals overandoverandover…and then seeing them a year later, two years later, still ungoaled…

This is one of my favorite subjects, I wrote about it here, and here, possibly here. But this is where I described how I finally stopped allowing life to happen. Most of the time 🙂

The only allowing that should be happening is:

allowing Joy*

allowing Abundance*

Allowing Freedom*

and allowing LOVE*

Plan your life, allow the awesome.

So, what do you say? Are you ready to start planning?

You know I love me some supporting oils, today’s blog is brought to you by:

Joy  and

Abundance and if you’re curious about the oils, contact me, I love to help.

 

How to reStart Doing the Thing(s) You Stopped Doing. Unstick That Stuck.

Ring a bell to clear the air, redirect your thoughts and give an angel their wings!

I wondered about my inability to write a blog post…okay, inability is wrong, I’ll do anything but write–paint the bathroom, rearrange my office (although, this might have actually helped me*), vacuum, wash the kitchen floor–my resistance to writing a blog post.

Why was I actively avoiding it? I’ve read The War of Art, I’ve listened to Melissa Dinwiddie’s Podcasts, I’m the daughter of Joan Kennedy for goodness sake! What the ever loving heck?

I wrote in my One Good Cup notebook:

What if I unstick myself in this situation and write about it…maybe I can help someone else in a similar situation.

Clearly much has been written about this before, I am not a pioneer, but I am a pilgrim and a lover of acronyms, sometimes, when they work. And when they seem the only way out of my stuckness! A while ago I made an acronym for S.T.U.C.K. and F.R.E.E.D. I haven’t shared it yet because I’m still playing with it, but my pen wanted to play so I let it!

Scared: This is the main thing, right? Call it scared or resistant–ego gets in the way.

Tired: I wasn’t feeling the zest for the project.

Unmotivated: So, why bother, why make an effort?

Cautious: Don’t want to make the wrong move…should I do this? Or that?

Knowledge (lack of): Who am I to be writing this? Creating this?

(Kind of silly…but it got me excited and motivated to figure out F.R.E.E.D. Plus it was fun–and fun kept me going.)

Feeling: How do I want to feel? I will do the things to support that!

Ring: a bell*. I am not kidding! I rang a bell (repeatedly), plus an angel got their wings!

Eyes: No one sees the world the exact same way I do.

Essential Oils: Of course! Oils can raise my frequency, help me focus & motivate.

Desire: Go back to desire–back to what I love. I have to fall back in love with my project, remember why I started it and what I wanted to accomplish.

*I painted this bell and blinged it out, it stands before me on the window ledge in front of my desk to remind me to keep going!

I’ll be working on this for awhile, you don’t just make up an acronym and change your life (or habits) around! But I know action–movement in the right direction helps, things start to loosen up, an outer shell starts to break away. Just a little bit.

I hope you all are moving forward in whatever your dreams are! Tell me how you stay the course.

 

 

How To Take Over Your Life!

Has this happened to you? You’re strolling along–actually, not strolling, you’re rushing along through your life–get up, get kid up, off to school, get to work, EMAILS, drama, EMAILS, more drama, plus emergencies, rush home, dinner, dishes, drama, dog for walk, treadmill (because, uh, the walk wasn’t really enough)…PHEW! By this time all you’re ready for is some veg time with some quality Netflix.

Repeat.

Is it any wonder we forget our dream, our aspirations, even our day to day goals? Also, WTH? Clearly, this is my routine–give or take–on any given day, but I bet you have some rendition of this, if you don’t, you can stop reading.

We are supposed to LIVE our life–not be swept away by it!

This is a lesson I learn repeatedly. I’m not beating myself up over it, because I understand each time I Re-learn it a little more sticks. The other day, I got to work and didn’t check my emails. I sat down with a cup of coffee and a notepad and sat. Some of you might be familiar with my One Good Cup project–if not you can read about it HERE–but this was different, this was a work related one good cup.

This was to create space for me to be able to plan what I wanted to get done that day. And it was marvelous. I’m toying with the idea of adding an automatic reply on my work email–something like, “thanks for your email, just so we’re clear, I read my emails at 10:00, 1:00, and 4:00. If you need an immediate answer, call me, thanks.” Just kidding. Here’s the other reason I loved taking the time to think about my work day: it made me ENJOY my work day! I know!

I am firmly in the camp of, if you want to create something awesome, you have to feel like you are in awesomeland now.

I was gifted a Planner this year…it’s a marvelous, beautiful, makes you think about what you reallyreallyreally want kind of Planner. Everyone should have this kind of Planner. I plan. And then, even better, I do! I’m not perfect by any means, or, I should say, yet! But making progress on things makes me want to make more progress.

Which brings me to the first rule:

The more energy you give to something the more energy builds around it. You’ve experienced this, I know you have, whether for good or bad.

And now the second:

Working toward what you want shouldn’t feel like work! Okay, I’m not saying it might not be a lot of work, but it should be joyful work!

Let’s hear it for the third:

Uh…you don’t actually have to have complete clarity on what you want to start working toward! Amazing, I know. But, you see, the better you feel and the more cool energy you put toward anything, well, great things actually feel obligated to come to you…and then once you get great things other things become clearer.

And, I-am-the-Fourth rule:

Take time for yourself, your life, your dreams. T a k e  t i m e. M a k e  s p a c e. Good things come in the gaps.

There are way more rules–laws, actually–but you get to make them up as you go.

Tell me about your dreams and plans. How are you taking over your life?

 

 

 

SANCTUARY! WHY WE NEED IT AND HOW TO KEEP IT.

This is a re-post of mine from our old blog!

I was crabby.Crabby, crabby, crabby. Like not talking crabby and snapping at people (family people) when I did talk. And totally in my head. Yuck.

Why was I crabby? Work. ‘Nuff said. Luckily, my husband called me on it. He said, “This isn’t work, this is our home and it’s supposed to be a sanctuary. This is where we go to leave all the crap behind. This is where people love you.” Okay, first he said, “What the hell?” Then he said the cool stuff.

Aaaah, I brought all the crap from work and pretty much placed it on the kitchen table and said, “Here, eat this.” Not good.

Now, I’m a pretty happy gal, but when things bother me, they REALLY bother me, yet it so wasn’t fair to my family to be bitchy with them when they weren’t the fracking problem, plus being crabby and bitchy and unhappy SUCKS. The question was though, how was I going to leave my work drama at work?

So, I’ve been experimenting with some decompression stuff. Such as:

• Listening to a book on CD during my commute home
• Essential oils*
• Be intentional–before walking through front door: this is my sanctuary, and I will not shit where I eat.
• Think about the day and then set it aside.
• Florence and the Machine, because, Shake It Out.

When I leave work at work and give myself over to being my best me for my family and friends, it’s not just better for them it’s better for me too. It feels good to not be mired in my head with crap. It feels good to smile and listen and laugh.

*Essential oils are my first choice for most things: colds, bug bites, can’t fall asleep, need to wake up, have to speak in front of 50 people…anything. So, it’s funny that I didn’t think of using them in my car a long time ago. I’m making caromas (did you see what I did there?) hangy doo-dad thingies (I’m working on a name) Here are some (awesomely shaped) pictures:

It’s definitely a prototype! but I like that I can pull the corks off the magnates to add more essential oils. Right now we are enjoying the scents of Peppermint and Lemon Young Living Essential Oils. Plus, just looking at it reminds me to leave the crap behind.

Addendum: I’ve made much more streamlined ones now!

These will be for sale at an upcoming Make & Take!

How about you, what’s you’re decompression trick(s)?